"Umeskia kenye imefanyika? Kina mum wametoka kuenda hosi. Mwangi alikuwa kwa accident."
These were the words that I received on Friday morning at 6 AM. As is my usual countenance, I tried to remain calm and composed, convincing myself that God was in control. Friday the 20th was one of those long days of someone's life, that seem to have just flown by. Throughout the day, we (with my family) felt like zombies trying to process the reality, the pain, the comfort from friends and family, the fatigue of hosting, the past memories, the unknown future, the shared moments, the bruised arm, the swollen body, the totaled car, the hole in the wall, peace, weakness, strength . . . It was a deep life experience. Brother's day was yesterday and I couldn't help playing some childhood memories of Mwas and I; even the adult ones, the travels and conversations, all the time looking backward and looking to the unknown forward, thinking with my heart.
Two days later is when we feel as if our minds are coming back to reality. Our hearts have been buoyed by different emotions and now, now they lay in a flood, encompassed by equal reality and hope. There are life experiences that are too deep to put into words; too transformative to leave you the same. You come out of them feeling a host of emotions and thinking a variety of thoughts. You come to know without a doubt that you are not the same person.
It takes an interesting turn to those around you - They react in very unprecedented ways, but all in all, it is a spirit of care, comfort and curiosity. As is Kenyan culture, some ask a myriad of questions incessantly, sometimes during the wrong time. As one is trying to process a shock, their whole body, soul and spirit in in a state of gradual change, a kind of travel to a chasm. It is a natural response. Usually, too many questions only serve to retell and relive moments that the individual is herself trying to come to grasp with. Yet in the answering, one is also dealing with the situation. A strong lesson for me has been "the ministry of presence" in the words of my father: It is best to sit and listen, and take talking cues from the individual who is absorbing shock. Some offer advice, some really practical and good in the long run, some undue and unnecessary in the present moment. Some offer prayers, probably the best solution in my view: For in such life-changing moments, fickle realities are best strengthened by the presence and comfort of God. It is this God who transcends all our life experiences and yet who is immanent at the same time; walking with us in the experiences; providing peace, mercy and strength through the absorption of the shock, that can really piece us together. As an experience forces you to reflect in reality (a stage I am in now), God gives you a bearing for indeed He is the True North in the life compass. Yet, family and friends have been a pillar. Their presence and prayers have gone a long long way to keep us afloat. Africans are really good with community, as they would have it one can go alone and reach quickly but one can go with a friend and reach farther.
Perhaps writing this a day ago, or a week from now will sound different. Probably. Life is like that, a process of change; a journey with unexpected twistings and turnings. Life changes. Life changes and for a human being, what I need is a sure footing in light of all these changes. The LORD remains that sure footing. In His arms, refuge, strength and peace will always be in abundant supply for He changes not. A call in the morning can translate to a talk in the morning with Him; in the daytime and evening. A call can be a place of recalling to prayer and trust. A recalling to real strength and peace, different from our own misconceptions. We come to know God's abiding presence in a deep sense. We see ourselves and others with different eyes.